I am now set down to write to you on a subject which fills me with inexpressable concern—and this concern is greatly aggravated and Increased when I reflect on the uneasiness I know it will give you—It has been determined in Congress, that the whole Army raised for the defence of the American Cause shall be put under my care, and that it is necessary for me to proceed immediately to Boston to take upon me the Command of it. You may beleive me my dear Patcy, when I assure you, in the most solemn manner, that, so far from seeking this appointment I have used every endeavour in my power to avoid it, not only from my unwillingness to part with you and the Family, but from a consciousness of its being a trust too great for my Capacity and that I should enjoy more real happiness and felicity in one month with you, at home, than I have the most distant prospect of reaping abroad, if my stay was to be Seven times Seven years. But, as it has been a kind of destiny that has thrown me upon this Service, I shall hope that my undertaking of it, is designd to answer some good purpose—You might, and I suppose did perceive, from the Tenor of my letters, that I was apprehensive I could not avoid this appointment, as I did not even pretend ⟨t⟩o intimate when I should return—that was the case—it was utterly out of my power to refuse this appointment without exposing my Character to such censures as would have reflected dishonour upon myself, and given pain to my friends—this I am sure could not, and ought not to be pleasing to you, & must have lessend me considerably in my own esteem. I shall rely therefore, confidently, on that Providence which has heretofore preservd, & been bountiful to me, not doubting but that I shall return safe to you in the fall—I shall feel no pain from the Toil, or the danger of the Campaign—My unhappiness will flow, from the uneasiness I know you will feel at being left alone—I therefore beg of you to summon your whole fortitude & Resolution, and pass your time as agreeably as possible—nothing will give me so much sincere satisfaction as to hear this, and to hear it from your own Pen.
If it should be your desire to remove into Alexandria (as you once mentioned upon an occasion of this sort) I am quite pleased that you should put it in practice, & Lund Washington may be directed, by you, to build a Kitchen and other Houses there proper for your reception—if on the other hand you should rather Incline to spend good part of your time among your Friends below, I wish you to do so—In short, my earnest, & ardent desire is, that you would pursue any Plan that is most likely to produce content, and a tolerable degree of Tranquility as it must add greatly to my uneasy feelings to hear that you are dissatisfied, and complaining at what I really could not avoid.
As Life is always uncertain, and common prudence dictates to every Man the necessity of settling his temporal Concerns whilst it is in his power—and whilst the Mind is calm and undisturbed, I have, since I came to this place (for I had not time to do it before I left home) got Colo. Pendleton to Draft a Will for me by the directions which I gave him, which Will I now Inclose—The Provision made for you, in cas⟨e⟩ of my death, will, I hope, be agreeable; I have Included the Money for which I sold my own Land (to Doctr Mercer) in the Sum given you, as also all other Debts. What I owe myself is very trifling—Cary’s Debt excepted, and that would not have been much if the Bank stock had been applied without such difficulties as he made in the Transference.
I shall add nothing more at present as I have several Letters to write, but to desire you will remember me to Milly & all Friends, and to assure you that I am with most unfeigned regard, My dear Patcy Yr Affecte
Go: Washington
P.S. Since writing the above I have receivd your Letter of the 15th and have got two suits of what I was told wa⟨s⟩ the prettiest Muslin. I wish it may please you—it cost 50/. a suit that is 20/. a yard.
she squeals delightedly as she is thrown into the air, her hair flying all about her head. if nana knew what daddy was doing, he’d get into trouble. nana thinks it’s not safe but nelly knows that there’s nowhere safer than daddy’s arms.
❝ me, me !!! ❞ she cries out exuberantly, tiny hands weaving their way behind her father’s head.
❝ I’m a pretty girl, daddy !!! ❞
the joyful, soprano chirruping is perhaps one of the best sounds jack has ever heard. his daughter is caught securely in his arms, and he clutches her to his chest with his face pressing into fine, silky hair. nelly looks so much like her mother. thank god for that. she’d still be just as beautiful in his eyes if she had taken after him to a greater extent, and perhaps the babyish pudge on her makes her so, but he’s still grateful that eleanor’s looks are dominant. ❝ the prettiest girl! ❞ gentle pecks are littered atop her head, and john rocks side to side with her. he had never anticipated to be any kind of decent father, a “troubled” ( as his step-father liked to call it ) youth always lingering in the form of fear towards failing his daughters and son. he thinks that fear keeps him motivated.
❝ i have to admit my verses border on idée fixe, as does my search for the famed gloucester sea serpent. i know it is out there, and i will be the one to find it… my infatuation with general washington may also present itself as such to some people. ❞
it was always a joy seeing the president come to the hamilton’s home. eliza would always cook a nice meal, the children dressed nicely, everything would be perfect.
that specific day he came by wasn’t the best. he had came down because alexander had been shot and killed in a gunfight. everyone was dressed in black, and the atmosphere was gloomy. when washington had arrived, she was sitting with her children, fresh tears running down her plump cheeks.
the passing of hamilton had come like a housefire. it could have been avoided with just a little extra attention, just a few extra check-ins… but that much had been passed, and he was gone. his wife and children were left behind, and that was the fact that lingered. so he came to new york mere hours after word had reached him, immediately finding the too vacant home.
he doesn’t bother to knock, knowing the matriarch of the family is in no shape to answer doors for well meaning visitors offering their condolences.
the sight of her is a truly miserable one. ❝ elizabeth, ❞ his voice is hardly more than a whisper, already softened tones quieted further by dolor. he knows it’s ineffable, the grief she feels, and his own is dwarfed in comparison. martha would know how to handle this, she had suffered much the same with daniel. martha is not here. he is to offer his best efforts at comfort alone. experience with loss is not scant, but it had been a while… his calloused palms graze the heads of a few of the children settled at the side of their mother before he kneels before her. no movement is made to take her hands without first accounting for what her reaction might be - he knows everything feels so much more in times like this. ❝ i am so sorry for your loss… ❞
“Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine, I swear it! But–yes. Call me Nate, though. There’s not much of a need to be so formal around me.”
❝ oh, nonsense. i am only treating you with what respect is due. ❞ large hands claim the smaller man’s, drawing them upwards while leaning down to meet his knuckles in a lingering kiss halfway. eyes never left nate’s features, watching him with trenchant gaze as the corners of his lips twitched into a exiguous smirk. ❝ you may call me friedrich, then, or baron - i am not picky. ❞ not concerning his name, at least.
❝ Your suspicions are correct. ❞ -americantraitor ((for whomever your heart desires))
Anonymous
a chuckle was breathed and john shook his head. he wouldn’t have held fast in his belief if he didn’t have any inkling. ❝ the confirmation is unnecessary, but i appreciate it. ❞
Nearly ten minutes had passed with no sign of Charles and it was starting to get hard to breathe, thoughts becoming too chaotic to make any sense of them. If something happened to him he wouldn’t forgive himself. Somehow taking care of this kid had become some grand redeeming action in his mind. After the affair Eliza had every right to leave him, to take Philip with her - but his life had spiraled even if he kept it hidden as best he could and his belief in his own right to exist had gone down with it. When the Adams boy had come into his employment, it hadn’t been hard to find the signifiers of another addict in his actions and demeanor and at some point he’d decided he couldn’t watch them become the same.
What first caught his eye was bare skin in the muted, yellow light of the street lamps. A few unsavory words fell from his lips as he realized it was the young man he’d been searching for, pulling to the curb and nearly falling out of his car in his haste. “What the fuck were you thinking?” Hamilton shouted, frustration and concern coming out as anger as he snatched Charles’ wrist in a firm grip. “Do you know how fucking stupid is to get wasted alone? Especially in this part of the city? God, what happened to your shirt… Fuck this, get in the damn car.” He released the younger man as quickly as he’d grabbed him, pulling at his own hair with a frustrated huff. “Try not to throw up, I’m making you clean it up in the morning if you do.”
charles wasn’t sure how long he had been walking, but it felt like forever. goosebumps had risen on his skin and he furiously rubbed at his arms in the hopes that the friction would be enough to rid himself of them - of course, it wasn’t. the sound of an approaching engine lifted his head, and a shaky smile came to his lips. thank god. he scurried up to the curb to meet alexander.
the greeting he received made him wish he hadn’t.
he knew the screaming was only a symptom of the older man’s worry. still, it was hard to see past the anger. he could feel himself stop breathing as he struggled to pull his hand out of alexander’s grasp, staring up at him with hazel eyes blown wide. charles had to remind himself that the concern was for his well being, not for legacy and pride. that didn’t erase the bad experiences he’d had after being snatched up like a rag doll. his head instantly ducked down, cowering in silence under the scolding. he’s thankful for the release, but at the same time wants it to last. the young man has always yearned for any bit of touch he could scrounge up. now was not the time. ❝ i don’ puke when i get drunk, ❞ he mumbled simply before shuffling off of the sidewalk and around to the passenger side of the car.
THIS STATUE OF LAURENS AND HAMILTON IN LAFAYETTE PARK, PA
LOOK AT IT
“YO FELLOW PATRIOT LET ME TOUCH YO CROTCH”
“C’MON MAN NOT HERE”
SO, UH, HEY. I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY AWKWARD FOR EVERYONE, but this isn’t John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton. It’s Comte de Rochambeau and the Chevalier du Portail. Please stop. I will cry.
however, equally gay is the “military instruction” statue of steuben with a sword wielding, fig-leafed twink in the same park, so……. y’know.
1.call me sarah or dad! i’m 19 and fine with whichever pronouns you feel most comfortable with. eastern standard time (UTC−04:00)
2.this blog is semi-selective concerning roleplay partners. i reserve the right to deny or drop any threads, asks, memes, etc. sent to me. anyone can send me things, so long as you keep this in mind.
3.i am of age, and explicitly sexual threads are allowed with those who are as well. other nsfw topics (eg. gore, death, suggestive behavior) are allowed with anyone comfortable with it.
4.all potentially triggering content is tagged as #triggerword //. if you need anything tagged, just ask!
5.please don't reblog my posts to personal accounts.
6.i can be very slow at times. whether this be due to a lack of muse, school taking up my time, or just not feeling like it, please respect that i have a life outside of this blog, and also run several other blogs. feel free to give me a little nudge if you feel the need!
7.all icons and graphics used on this blog have been created by me, unless specifially indicated otherwise.
8.i ship chemistry. please don’t try to force me into ships.
it's my brother's blood in my dirty lungs, in my crooked mouth, on my swollen tongue, on my father's gun, on each stranger's face, across the bluebird sky, on every hand i shake, night after night. with each chuckled prayer such sweet relief, my fists full of hair with each desperate drive for elusive peace, with every endless night, with each wasted week. all that dialogue doublin' back on me, all that tangled talk, all my growling need. it's my brother's back, it's my father's arms, it's every twisted fact in my sorry heart... i spit and scream what's done is done. go make your peace with everyone. they don't need to know about my brother's blood.
if women were religiously recognized sexually, we wouldn't have to feel the need to show our ass, it's to feel free. been there, done that, got the t-shirt, sold my soul, and yeah the truth hurts. tired image of a star acting naughtier than we really are. if history could set you free from who you were supposed to be, if sex in our society didn't tell a girl who she should be, 'cause all my life i've tried to fight what history has given me.
look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do. yeah, they were all yellow... so then i took my turn, oh, what a thing to have done, and it was all yellow. your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful. do you know, you know i love you so? you know i love you so. i swam across, i jumped across for you, oh, what a thing to do, 'cause you were all yellow.
i've seen the world, done it all, had my cake now. diamonds, brilliant, in bel-air now. hot summer nights, mid july, when you and i were forever wild. the crazy days, city lights, the way you'd play with me like a child... will you still love me when i'm no longer young and beautiful? will you still love me when i've got nothing but my aching soul?
when i go for a drive i like to pull off to the side of the road, turn out the lights, get out, and look up at the sky. and i do this to remind me that I'm really really tiny in the grand scheme of things, and sometimes this terrifies me. but it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene in a way i never thought i'd be because i've never been so grounded and so humbled and so one with everything. i am grounded, i am humbled, i am one with everything. rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone say “you are huge! look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun, look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky” say “i am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye.”
i'm feeling devious, you're looking glamorous. let's get mischievous and polyamorous! wine and women and wonderful vices : welcome to the cult of dionysus. we could take a holiday in the month of may, run free and play in fields of flowers, pass the hours, making love is how we'll pray, or start a secret society for the wild and free, our ideology is "you can do what you want, too much is never enough."
i'm sorry, mother, i'm sorry i let you down. well these days i'm fine, no these days i tend to lie... i'm sorry, brother, i'm sorry i let you down. well these days you're fine, no these days you tend to lie... i'm sorry, lover, i'm sorry i bring you down. well these days i try, and these days i tend to lie... your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it. it's hard, believe me, i've tried, but I keep coming up short.
sycophants on velvet sofas, lavish mansions, vintage wine. i am so much more than royal, snatch your chain and mace your eyes. if it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine. heroes always get remembered but you know legends never die and if you don't know now you know. i'm taking back the crown! i'm all dressed up and naked. i see what's mine and take it. finders keepers, losers weepers!
your baby blues, so full of wonder. your curly cues, your contagious smile. and as i watch you start to grow up all i can do is hold you tight knowing clouds will raise up, storms will race in, but you will be safe in my arms. rains will pour down, waves will crash all around, but you will be safe in my arms. story books full of fairy tales, of kings and queens, and the bluest skies. my heart is torn just in knowing you'll someday see the truth from lies.
what's the use of wond'ring if he's good or if he's bad or if you like the way he wears his hat? what's the use of wondering if he's good or if he's bad? he's your fella and you love him. that's all there is to that... something made him the way that he is, whether he's false or true, and something gave him the things that are his. one of those things is you! so when he wants your kisses you'll give them to the lad, and anywhere he leads you you will walk, and anytime he needs you you'll go running there like mad... you're his girl, and he's your fella, and all the rest is talk.
there are those who think we're wicked. there are those who call us names : depraved, lost, and sick, and want to bathe us in shame. but we put the sin in sincere, we put the do in the doubt. god is perfectly clear, we are perfectly out. love us as we are. see us and we're holy in this shall we shall ever be wholly ourselves. your love will take us far, praise us and we'll show you from heaven to the glory holes, glorious and free. i believe in the ritual of lipstick, the sanctity of my electric guitar, but it's cool if you're not that catholic. you can be wherever you are.
down by the river by the boats, where everybody goes to be alone, where you won't see any rising sun. down to the river we will run. when by the water we drink to the dregs, look at the stones on the riverbed. i can tell from your eyes you've never been by the riverside. down by the water the riverbed somebody calls you, somebody says “swim with the current and float away” down by the river every day. oh my god, i see how everything is torn in the river deep and i don't know why i go the way down by the riverside.
i saw a ghost on the stairs and sheets on the tables and chairs. the silverware swam with the sharks in the sink, even so i don't know what to think. i've been longing for daisies to push through the floor, and i wish that plant life would grow all around me so i won't feel dead anymore. i saw a bear in the den, eeading my textbooks again, bats flowed like traffic as they poured from the attic, heaven knows i could really use a friend... tonight i'm busting out of this old haunted house 'cause i'm sick of waiting for all the spider webs to grow all around me, 'cause i don't feel dead anymore, and i'm not afraid anymore!
the mirror's image, it tells me it's home time. but i'm not finished 'cause you're not by my side. and as i arrived i thought i saw you leaving carrying your shoes ; decided that once again i was just dreaming of bumping into you… somewhere darker, talking the same shite. i need a partner. well are you out tonight? it's harder and harder to get you to listen, more i get through the gear. incapable of making alright decisions and having bad ideas.
am i just a night of lust and lost temptation? is someone like me his destiny? he'll never know. i gotta find a way to show my expectations. he ends it where it begins but i won't let go. i know you don't love me, but still i burn for you. i know you don't love me, this flame won't die, it's true. my soul bared completely don't seem enough for you. i know you don't love me, but the message can't get through. any man can see that I'm worth the talkin'. love can be bittersweet when the girl hears "no". opportunity knocks but your doors don't open, but i feel a fire inside that's about to blow.
when i was only 15, i packed by bags and said goodbye to mom and dad. i was afraid and alone, living without a home, got rid of all i had. they say the best things are free but i can't get what i need without some CURRENCY and money doesn't grow on trees. you can't just plant a seed, you gotta work it out. gimme some of that cold cash! i want to stuff it in my couch. come on bring me those big stacks! i need them bricks to build my house. give me all of that, all of that 'til the atm runs out! if money can't buy happiness then why is it so fabulous?
black and blues, and yellows too, will fade the same as embers do. we’ll wake up tomorrow and feel new. the story that we won't share, we’re all gonna hide it well away somewhere. a warning for family, the kind a person gives about an enemy. now, well known, let’s never sleep alone. i'm sorry for crying, don't feel bad, you didn't do that. i’m sorry we’re crying.
back of the room, looking at you, counting the steps between us : a hundred and five little blades in a line from your skin to mine and i feel it. eyes on the ground, but i can't look up now. don't wanna give it away, my secret. in another life, my teeth and tongue would speak aloud what until now i've only sung, ‘cause i would die to make you mine. bleed me dry each and every time. i don't mind, no i don't mind it, i would come back a thousand times. you can make me wait forever, push me away and tell me never. i don't mind, no i don't mind it. i would come back a thousand times.
i got lots of jealous lovers that all wish they had me back, got a pistol for a mouth, my own mama gave me that. making my own road out of gravel and some wine, and if i have to fall then it won't be in your line. everybody's doing it so why the hell should i? everybody's doing it so why the hell should i? i'm a bad woman to keep, make me mad, i'm not here to please, paint me in a corner but my color comes back. once you go black, you never go back. i'm a black sheep.
polly wants a cracker. i think I should get off her first. i think she wants some water to put out the blow torch… polly wants a cracker, maybe she would like more food. she asked me to untie her. a chase would be nice for a few. polly said… polly says her back hurts. She's just as bored as me. she caught me off my guard - amazes me, the will of instinct. isn't me, have a seed. let me clip your dirty wings, let me take a ride, cut yourself. want some help, please myself. got some rope, you have been told. promise you, i have been true. let me take a ride, cut yourself. want some help, please myself.
when i see you i can't find the words to speak, my cheeks go as red as two big cherries. i try to look beautiful for you, stuffing my dress up with tissues, hoping you'll notice but it's obvious and i get so embarrassed. i'm so smitten with you and everyone knows it. when you're not around i clutch my chest and say i'll look you in the eyes and not be so god damn shy... i can't find the words to speak.
i feel i've been riding in a fast car, burning dirty gas won't get you that far. i feel I’ve been riding up the wrong path, but i'm gonna make sure i get the last laugh. is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities? all you say is blah, blah. girls, they never befriend me ‘cause i fall asleep when they speak of all the calories they eat. all they say is na, na, na, na, na!
i need a whole personality, something inordinately sweet. order anything you’d like. nothing’s changing my mind. i don’t care how unhealthy it is ‘cause there isn’t anything i’d rather be. call me obsequious, i guess i’m a bit dramatic, sometimes my appetite is eerily erratic. give me your dire expectations, and i’ll consume perfection - you are what you eat, after all.
my name is richard henry lee; virginia is my home. and may my horses turn to glue if i can't deliver unto you a resolution on independency! for i am ffv, the first family in the sovereign colony of virginia! yes, the ffv, the oldest family in the oldest colony in america! and may the british burn my land if i can't deliver to your hand a resolution on independency! you see it's here-a-lee, there-a-lee, everywhere-a-lee-a-lee!
maybe i hang around here a little more than i should, we both know i got somewhere else to go, but i got something to tell you that i never thought i would, but i believe you really ought to know... i love you, i honestly love you. you don't have to answer, i see it in your eyes. maybe it was better left unsaid. this is pure and simple and you should realize that it's coming from my heart and not my head... if we both were born in another place and time, this moment might be ending in a kiss, but there you are with yours, and here i am with mine, so i guess we'll just be leaving it at this : i love you.
it's from japan. it’s a gray, oblong pill, quantum nano-technology CPU. the quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and it tells you what to do. it tells you what to do… it's preprogrammed. it's amazing! speaks to you directly. you behave as it's appraising, helps you act correctly. helps you to be cool, it helps you rule!
getting sober for a day, got me feeling too low. they tryna make me slow down, tryna tell me how to live. i'm about to lose control. well they can watch me fuck it up all in one night, i'm in my city in the summer, camo'd out, leather booted, kissing bitches in the club. they wanna threesome, then some, spend whatever come in, fuck an income. me and my niggas, we ain't never going broke, and you have to do it all just to know where it gets you, living dreams we can never afford.
you are my bad boy, my little pile of joy. when i saw you i knew you were the one. the way you looked at me when it only just begun. i wish i would've known then what i know now. it wouldn't last too long but it never does, does it? ‘cause i'm too young to be in love, i'm too young to be in love, so please oh please don't break my heart. i wanna go, i wanna go back to the start. i wanna cry, i wanna cry on your shoulder. i wanna be, i wanna be your toy soldier. i should've listened to my mom.
we are lies like the summertime, like the spring we are such fools, like fall we are the prophets, like winter we are cruel. i don't know what's wrong with us. they just made us this way. there's a hole in you and me that pulls us together and i don't know where we belong. i think we grew under a bad sun. i know we're not like everyone. you and me we grew under a bad sun.
